Girl Talk

One of the somewhat troubling realizations I have had since I have left my job at the law firm is that I have no idea how to speak to women. I have worked in a male-dominated field for long enough that I am more comfortable talking about work and sports with guys, than I am just conversing about kids, life, etc. with women. I did not socialize with women in my office, only the men - I was one of only a handful of women attorneys, so there weren't many opportunities. Outside of work, I really only had acquaintances, I now realize.

Getting together with "the girls," whomever the girls de jour may be frightens me. I can talk to people, but not with them. My social conversations have always been in the limited and guarded confines of the office.

At playgroup, I find myself at a loss for words, not knowing what else to say. Or find myself talking too much - because I want the other women to like me. It is as if I am out of practice. I need to go to the conversational batting cages. For someone who is never at a loss for words in most situations, I find my words almost meaningless when I am with a group of women. Let me talk about the latest court order, and I am great. Ask me about my latest shopping conquest, and I don't know what to do.

Perhaps I am trying to hard . . . I want to be the woman on her cell phone with a friend at 8:00 in the morning in carpool line (what in the world they are talking about at that hour is beyond me . . .). I want to be the one people call just to chat (though, admittedly, I'd have to work on that one - given my playgroup tongue-tie-edness).

I know in my heart, it will come in time, this bonding with other women . . . it just takes practice.

Just stop me when I start talking shop . . .

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Freda

One of my favorite radio programs when we lived in Virginia was "The Don and Mike Show," an irreverent afternoon talk show. The program was sassy, sometimes gross, but always funny, funny, funny. It was just the type of mindless entertainment I needed for my long commute home. To say I was a loyal listener is an understatement. Don Geronimo, one of the personalities, lived not far from us in Great Falls, and his family belonged to the same country club we did. Although I never really knew him, after eleven years of listening to the show, I felt like I did know him and had a connection with him.

When we moved to Kansas City last year, I was disappointed to learn that the D & M show, which is syndicated, was not on any KC station. Bummer for me. But I did keep up on the show when, much to my delight, they finally had an official web site with archives, pics, etc.

I just learned today that Don Geronimo's wife, Freda, was killed in a car accident over the weekend in Ocean City, Maryland . . . the same place we were just a month ago on vacation. Freda was a frequent guest on the show, and I loved reading her blog on the Don and Mike website.

It has hit me like a ton of bricks . . . like I have lost a friend. I wish I could be in VA to listen to the radio and hear the tributes. It's been hard enough living in KC, but it becomes more challeging when I learn that things aren't the same in VA. I want to think of VA as exactly how I left it (though I know better) - but tragedies such as this remind me that things change, no matter how much it hurts.

My thoughts and prayers are with the Sorce family. I know that they know there are millions of us out here thinking of them.

We'll miss you Freda.

Play Group Failure

The start of the play group did not go well. There were supposed to be four of us, but the woman who was to lead the group really did not have a child to fit the age group (born in 2004) - it had been a typo that led to her being named leader. Being the one who is always willing to step up to the plate, I offered to have the first play group at our house.

But now what was I supposed to do? I contacted the other two moms . . . and then panicked. Was I supposed to have food? What if no one showed up? I decided I would have bagels and coffee. I don't think I slept much the night before - I've been less stressed out arguing in front of a judge. The morning of our first play group, I went out early and bought bagels. I brought out the rarely used coffee maker - we just never make it at home. I moved the family room table to create a play area. And then Sam and I waited.

The other two moms arrived . . . first hurdle overcome. But from the start, the chemistry wasn't there. I am at least ten years older than the other two . . . and I am the only one with other children. No one ate or drank anything. One mom, after about 45 minutes, announced she had somewhere else to be. But we agreed to get together again . . . I was disappointed, but thought maybe that's what play groups are like. Maybe I expected too much . . .

So we did get together, two weeks later, and this time we added another mom and baby. Londa had heard about us at church, and called me - I liked that she took the initiative to seek us out. The second play group was not too bad, but again, was somewhat forced. By the third get together, we were getting last minute cancellations, or cancelling all together.

I was sooooo frustrated. All I wanted was to be in a play group - how come I can't make it work? I wanted/needed that adult interaction . . .

After a few more weeks, another mom joined us. Like me and Londa, Katie is not a new mom in her twenties . . . we clicked. I hate to call us the "older" moms, but the reality is, we are! Soon, it was just me, Kate and Londa getting together with our kids . . . maybe it will work. The others stopped coming altogether.

I still feel a bit like a play group failure . . . like maybe if I had done something different at that first play group, it would have worked out. But my head tells me that even play groups can't be forced. Either you have chemistry or you don't. And just because we had kids the same age, did not mean we would bond. I realized that it takes more than a child to make a play group. What has worked for the rest of us is that we are close in age and have similar interests. We have some similar life experiences. And, yes, our kids are the same age.